Caza's Book Club

This is my blog where I can write about writing about my stories and my corsets.

Now I'm a lil bit more awake, I should write some more about what we did yesterday, since I was quite terse in my last post.

The weather looked good, and we had a 2 for 1 voucher, so GF and I headed for Kew Gardens. I love to wander around places like that, looking for hidden unexplored corners and interesting places. It was the first time I was at Kew (which is the Royal Botanical Gardens, for those who don't know, West London, just next to the Thames).

The highlight was probably the tree top platform they have installed which takes you up to the very highest part of the trees and lets you wander round, gazing out as if you were a bird, perched in the high branches. A fascinating point of view to have:
Another highlight was Queen Charlotte's summer house, which was tucked away in a corner of the gardens - although it was closed: I guess it was closed for the winter, or only open sometimes, just seeing it there, and imagining the Queen and her ladies, dressed in their finest gowns, entertaining at a garden party, or some other occasion. It would have been quite a sight.

Coffee, cake and a gift shop later, and we headed for Westfield for a wander and bite to eat, then home, exhausted, probably from too much fresh air.

Today I don't have the bike, so a nice and early corseted waist - 6:30am start, nice posture on the train, need Starbucks!

Today, I took a day off work, and went, with my GF, to Kew Gardens, which is West London.

Its the first time I've been there, and it was wonderful! amazing - great weather, and such lovely gardens, full of weird and wonderful things

But exhausted, so this will be short and sweet ;)

xoxo

CazaDolly
Well, I have to apologise to my readers, as I've not blogged for the past few days when I said I'd be commited to write every day. I have no real excuse - I could make one up about being tired, but really I should be honest, and know that I should have written something at least.

So, I'm back on the train for another wet and dismal Monday morning - the clocks changed over the weekend, so it is a lil bit lighter in the morning, but not by much: it was still dark when my alarm dragged me into consciousness this morning, and I wasn't up quite early enough to catch the early train. Stood on cold platform for 15 mins waiting for the next one.

And now I think I'll do some actual fiction writing - I've started a couple of thing
So the other day I took my corset to the cleaners and while I was there noticed that some of the boning was exposed - the stitching had come away, and it was poking out.

It came back yesterday all clean, and then I took a needle and thread to it and quite neatly, I think, sewed it up... and it appears to have worked :D Wore it the whole of today, and it felt v. good - I've missed it these past few days

The lady at the dry cleaners did say she thought it looked uncomfortable - tried to explain it wasn't but I don't think she was really listening - its weird, people have their pre-conceptions but aren't really receptive when someone tries to challenge them. Note to self: make sure I challenge my pre-conceptions regularly

xoxo

CazaDolly

Master has chosen that today I won't exist.

Dolly is aware of people nearby
Dolly knows she sometimes is out
Dolly knows that her existence at her Master's discretion 
Dolly is content to be not, or to be.
Dolly exists only for her Master
Dolly smiles happily to herself, knowing that she pleases her Master
Dolly is happy with her life, and her non-life

SL is a wonderful place


xoxo

CazaDolly
Feeling quite on edge tonight - not quite sure why. Maybe work stress, travel stress or something... general feeling of wanting to just crawl into a box and be ignored by the world. I do love SL :)

CazaDollyInABox
I've managed to do some more writing - I don't tend to let anyone see half finished stories, so I'm afraid you won't get to see anything for a bit - but it occurred to me to write a lil bit about the process.

I started about half way through - non-linear fiction creation... There's good reason for this. Often the most interesting part is about half way through the story. The beginning is just introduction and character development. Generally things kick off half way through Of course, quite often there's something interesting at the beginning, but that is generally closely linked to another event which happens subsequently. So the middle gets written first, then that bit gets written.

More writing is coming, I promise - there are things in the pipeline, half written - guess which half?

xoxo

CazaDolly
Life can be like this sometimes - today was just ordinary - didn't do a lot, just hung out and relaxed. Not exciting at all, and feeling quite tired today. Laundry, cleaning etc, which was overdue... a lil of that got done.

But not a lot else to report, I'm afraid. Maybe tomorrow will be better...

xoxo

CazaDolly

My GF's folks are down visiting, and we all had a day in London today - came back exhausted, but it was fun. Went to the Cutty Sark, lunch at Wagamama's at Canary Wharf, then across the Thames on the new Airline cable car which was *amazing*! Wandered around the area, and a strange exhibition on Cities etc, which was quite fun.

Then on to Stratford for a lil bit of shopping, then home, flopping onto the sofa. A good day - everyone enjoyed themselves.
Just a quickie, so I haven't forgotten my commitment for daily blogging :) Does this count? Is a token blog a valid fulfilment of my commitment? Does discussing this actually fulfil it? If I had a token mention of the story writing on the train, would that help? Who knows? Am I the best person to judge? Perhaps someone could tell me?

xoxo

CazaDolly
Today, I had a day off work, not for any major reason, but just to because. So what do I do? I go shopping, of course! Just wandering around Brighton was fun, not really having any major agenda, but doing alot of window shopping, having a lil lunch.

I had an optician's appointment at 2, but apart from that I was free. Found a shop which was sadly closing, but bought one of the things I've been looking at getting for ages - a proper Lolita style wig with detachable falls/pony tails - not necessarily the colours I was after, but not bad, and quite cheap too. It is quite adorable, if I say so myself. A successful day

xoxo

CazaDolly
Today I was out and about at a trade show which was kinda fun, and tightly corseted too, which was also fun - its weird, doing normal interactions with person, with this thing around your waist - even after almost 2 years wearing them, it is still a rush to know I'm bound up with no easy way out, and sometimes it feels very rigid and confining against me.

Working on the writing - train was too crowded on the way home to do anything effectively... too many work emailed to reply too to

Now Master has confined me to my box, and removed most of my senses from me - I'm *really *distracted* now :D
I really must start writing a new story soon - Master has said I must write every day and, although it was my intention to blog daily before I was asked, it is now more imperative to do so. And this should include more than blogging, and write some actual fiction.

So, the germ of my idea incorporates my current Second Life situation, which I won't let on, lest the surprise be lost on those who don't know me. Those who have popped by to say hi will obviously know how I'm currently restricted.

There's plenty of thinking and imagining going on, but not much actual writing yet :) But there will be soon, I promise. I seem to be promising a lot recently...

love you all

Caza
I've recently been acquired by a new Master, which is quite wonderful. Not that I didn't love Miss Fuyuko, of course, but sometimes we know when things have come to a conclusion, and so things change.

Master of Fetishes, or MoF for short, is my new Maker, as he's a Maker of Dolls. And he now owns me completely.

I've brought out my extreme submissive side with Maker, and, while Miss gave me to him ultimately, I realised early on that I wished to give myself completely to him, as much as any avatar in SL can be owned by another.

So every aspect of my SL is subject to his wishes. No is not a word that is even contemplated when he asks me to do something.

However, that is very easy to act, to say the words and not really mean them, knowing there's places you wouldn't go if asked, or that you might try to persuade him against some course of action.

I want my commitment to be total. No limits, no arguing, no trying to influence. Totally and absolutely submissive.

He kept me for a long time (at least a couple of weeks) totally isolated. And I mean totally - no vision, no chat, no IMs, no names, no emotes, no notecards, no textures, no way of communicating at all. I was vaguely aware when people came to visit. I could tell there was someone there, but couldn't tell who they were - I could guess who they were sometimes, but other times I had no idea.

And I loved it - I loved when He released me and I could see who was around me, talk to people, catch up. But I also longed to go back in, to be isolated again, wondering if Maker could make it any more extreme.

There are those who might see Second Life as just a game, pixels on the screen. Now perhaps I take it too seriously, and this probably counts as evidence for that case, but it is way more than that. It is a platform for social interaction, for meeting friends, forming relationships, for loving, for hating, for fighting for arguing. It is a way to enact fantasies, to become immersed in a world where almost anything is possible, and some things are probable.

And I am quite seriously emotionally invested in this Second Life - I've put a lot of myself into her and who she is, how she interacts and behaves. She is, to all intents and purposes, a real person. So, you see, it is no small thing to hand over control of her, or my, Second Life to another person, to decide anything they like about me.

But this Second Life is so connected to me, there is an element whereby, when I am immersed in my computer, I become her, which means that the effect it has on her mind is on my mind. These are my feelings and emotions. It is a real thing.

To we come to the title. A sense of entitlement - thinking that someone owes me something, that I should be able to control and decide my own fate. This is what a good sub must remove from her mind. One of the quite a number of things, anyways. I have no rights, no right to believe that my Master owes me, that I should be able to ask him to act in a certain way, or wear a certain thing. But since it is, to a large degree, me in there, I must change myself to be like this. To loose the feeling that the world owes me. That I'm entitled to things.

Its just a bit of harmless mind manipulation, to quote Wallace.

xoxo
CazaDolly

Sunday... Sunday... not really a lot to report. One of those days which nothing major happened. Just kinda mooched around, dried laundry etc.

Saw my GF's folks, who are down visiting - her Dad was quite ill, being sick etc, so they're not really very active at the moment, but should be back in circulation tomorrow. I'm working from home tomorrow, which generally means I'll get more work done.

I keep thinking about stories etc, and really should, but haven't been in the right place mentally recently. But soon... one or two ideas cooking away which might come to something

xoxo

CazaDolly
Laundry: a bit tricky without a washing machine - mine is currently broken: I've a man coming on Monday morning to fix it, but today I really had to go to a laundrette and do some washing. Perhaps I need more clothes.

There's an interesting thought.

But anyways, I went to a local laundrette, and, frankly it was disappointing. I was expecting something more, I guess, but it was just a bunch of washing machines and dryers. Not a half naked man in sight. Sigh.

I probably just need to get out more.

Giggles.

Caza
Discipline is such a good thing. I'm essentially an unorganised person, which depresses me somewhat, but I do understand who I am and why that is. However I do also appreciate the benefits of good discipline, and doing things regularly.

I'm sure you've noticed, those who are reading, that there is a big gap in my posts, best part a year! My corset is still going strong, wearing it several times a week, and life has been quite busy, which is no excuse.

So I need discipline. Self-discipline, which is the hardest sort, sometimes. But my commitment now is to write daily. Every day will have an entry, something written. Might be stuff I'm doing. Might be fiction. Might be just a few words. Might be a whole story. But every day. Without fail. A daily blog.

Might not be earth shatteringly interesting, but I'll give it a go... I'll try to keep it light and funny, but I'm sure it will delve into the depths of my obsessions and foibles.

So, here we have an entry for today. Not much substance so far, really? I guess I'll tell you about my lunchtime then!

This week I've been looking at - actually, not just looking at, but trying on - overbust corsets. I've only worn underbust ones so far, so have decided that I'd like to have an overbust for go out and special occasions. They're a bit less convenient to wear daily, but having it for those appropriate times will be lovely.

So Tuesday I hopped up to Camden, and visited Black Widow, and tried on a couple from Burleska. I've had these sort before, and while they're good for the cheap end of the market I think I've spoilt myself with the more expensive end. I wasn't satisfied.

Thursday was Fairy Goth Mother, who I can't recommend highly enough. I tried on loads! Came down to about 3 possibilities, probably the favourite being one being this one: 70-m2065trg3

Then today I wandered over to What Katie Did off the Portobello Road.

Tried on a couple and really loved their Storm Corset - just the way it held me was fabulous.

I also tried Baby which is a lil waist clincher. It was a very weird feeling, being used to a full underbust corset most of the time, to only be held around the waist. But it is a lot more practical for daily wear so I'll have to consider it.

So, a week of information gathering, and budget setting. Now its saving time as they're not inconsiderably priced. Maybe in a month or 3.

xoxo

Caza