Sneezy Dolly!

I've been quite busy recently, and now I think I might be coming down with a cold - sore throat and sneezing :(

Still, made it to work today, so I can't be that bad. This will, annoyingly, probably curb my corset wearing - there's one big thing which is very bad to do in a corset, and that is to sneeze - it should be avoided at all costs - I've done it once or twice and it is *very* uncomfortable, verging on the painful! Just the sheer force that your chest moves with, pushes against the corset, and you can actually risk breaking it!

So, I'll be avoiding that.

xoxo

CazaDolly

Hyper Japan!

Ohayo gozaimasu!

I was hyper at Hyper Japan yesterday! What a wonderful place! I got there about midday, and just wandered and soaked up the atmosphere :)

Kawaii fashion show was amazing - such wonderful outfits, the epitome of cuteness. Favourite? Hard to pick, but Pixie Late's Baby/Disney dress was gorgeous:

(She's on the left here) (sorry for the rubbish pic - I just had my phone)

I was a bit disappointed on the amount of Lolita stuff in general, though - plenty of Kawaii hair accessories and jewellery: I treated myself to a cupcake bow. But not much in terms of clothing etc. But I was generally inspired - maybe next time I'll make it dressed up a lil more

The food looked amazing but the queues were horrendous. The Cosplayers were impressive in their... costumes. There were some scary Samurai swords, some interesting looking games and some very cute arty things

Altogether, a fun was to spend a Sunday afternoon

xoxo

CazaDolly

Optimism

OK, so I'm an optimist - always have been and probably always will be. Always thinking the best of people, always expecting things to work out good in the end. It does mean I tend to be cheerful, but then, I do have a depressive side too. I'm also quite introverted and shy at times, and like some "me time" quite often.

I was optimistic thinking I'd manage a blog a day. Too many other distractions! I was going to write this earlier today, but Gothic Lolita Wigs emailed me with a special offer and that was me away, choosing :)

And I'm off to Hyper Japan exhibition up in London on Sunday :) Yay! Never been before, so don't quite know what to expect, but it looks wonderful - hopefully get some Christmas Lolita ideas

xoxo

CazaDolly

Corseted Week..

This week I managed to corset Monday to Friday, which for recent times is a lil bit of a record. It is feeling nice and consistent and comfy - managing to last the whole day fairly tight without even adjusting, most days - providing I'm not silly and over tighten, of course!

Now previous days I've said I want it to become normal, so why am I celebrating this? Well, perhaps because it is becoming normal - I can just wear it day in and day out. It is just my life, my normal day - previous weeks I've got to Thursday and not felt like  - today, Friday, I was fine and happy to be all squished up... I think its growing on me ;)

CazaDolly

Everyday Corsetry

I was reading yesterday and found this article on Lucy's Corsetry site:

De-Sensationalizing the corset
It is about saying that the corset it just another garment - and should be worn as such, rather than being a special item with connotations of kink or fetish. I love this idea, and I'm getting there myself - it has become a daily thing for me, wearing it as long as I can, not too tight but tight enough. Aware of it like any other garment, but not distracted by it. When I recently took mine to be dry cleaned, I got a comment from the lady there that it must be uncomfortable - she wasn't really interested in my argument that it was actually quite comfortable, but it illustrates the general pre-conceptions about corsetry.

They can be everyday wear: I wear mine because I love the feeling it gives me and I love the figure it gives me, and, yes, there is a certain degree of fetish of being bound tightly into it with no trivial way out (I can't just kick it off like I can a pair of uncomfortable heels) but it is now just part of my daily routine, my lifestyle.

xoxo

CazaDolly

Less Grumpy

I'm getting less grumpy - had a weekend which was filled with doing stuff, but feeling quite down and discontented with life in general. Nothing majorly serious in the grand scheme of things, but just that feeling that life could be so much more than it is and I should be doing more with this gift I've been given.

I'm sure it'll pass, and life will go back to normalishness.

Spending the morning on the train, trying to work out what I want for Christmas :) Corset is ready to go for the day, which always makes me feel better. Going to be a good day, I think. We'll see!

Still not got any further with any writings, which I guess is also depressing a lil bit. I don't like failing at things and it feels a bit like that when I'm not writing.

And yesyes, I know this is all a bit short sentences and meaningless waffle from me :) I guess I'm not feeling very deep today. Is it that Winter's coming? Mornings and Evenings are dark and gloomy... Christmas is looming. I do enjoy Christmas, but it can get stressful. This year I'm at my place for Christmas and people are coming to visit me, which will be good - usually I travel off round seeing everyone, but for the first time, I think, I'm staying put! Might even get a real tree! Must get fairies for the tree.

xoxo

CazaDolly

Grumpy

This morning I was grumpy... I'm normally quite placid, but some days I just get grumpy. Not sure why, just one of those odd feelings really. Maybe general frustration with life. Maybe just grumpiness.

Told someone off at the station for smoking too near the entrance. I think I shocked him a bit, I'm not sure he expected me to say that. Not sure I did either

Got better during the day, though, and this evening back to my normal placid self. I think. Maybe an evening of just being a Dolly in SL helped. Nothing to do but just be. No worries or cares. Just be.

CazaDolly

Shopping and wandering

I wandered up to Camden yesterday, which is one of my favourite places to go shopping, but does lack a proper Lolita shop, which always frustrates me - there's so much there which is *almost* the right thing, but not quite. V. annoying. Still, it's nice to wander about, soak up the atmosphere, browse the very nice corsets, dresses and skirts which are still lovely. A nice relaxing place. Online shopping/browsing isn't quite the same, though I recently discovered fanplusfriend.com, to add to my list of nice Lolita shopping sites - must compose a Christmas list :)

CazaDolly

So Still, So Mad

Second Life is a wonderful place, and so odd, what it makes you do - I'm sitting, locked in a box, unable to move, speak, IM, see names or change clothes, but happy, just to sit and wait for my Master to appear, if indeed he will. He is my Master, ruler over me, has absolute control over my body and mind in SL, and over my RL mind where that is projected into SL, like now. My blog is an extension of that - it is now his command which causes me to write it everyday... well, OK, I've missed a few. And his which causes me to sit still on my sofa, watching, waiting for him to appear, having the limited interaction with other that I can, but still thoroughly enjoying myself.

Very odd, that such enjoyment could come from such little action, but the mind is a wonderful thing...

Oh, and really working on being brainwashed by the hypnosis in my box... that is my reading while I'm on, and not being distracted. But that also goes into my RL mind, gets under my skin, feeds my dreams of being a doll, displayed, used...

CazaDolly

Home at at last

I'm home - tired, sad, but glad I went - lot of family there... like everyone says, must get to meet them more outside funerals and weddings, but good to see them anyways.

The service itself was quite emotional - sometimes these things don't hit you until the actual day, but it really did - though my Uncle and I weren't particularly close, seeing my cousins and my Mum trying to speak about him...

Makes you want to grasp life with both hands and make the most of it!


xoxo

CazaDolly

Travelling...

OK, so I tried to get everything I needed into a small case, but it didn't work - but then I needed to take a sleeping bag, towel, shoes etc. I flew to NYC over the summer with less luggage than this! Still, it wasn't a major problem - just a bigger case.

The train was quite relaxing really - first one wasn't completely full, the second was only an hour's journey so it didn't really matter too much being squished into a window seat. And then I arrived, met by an aunt who I've not seem for ages, onto to see my Mum and cousins and more Aunts and Uncles and second cousins and other family friends.

Cold house, until we worked out the heating, Italian food, which was gorgeous, and now sittng, writing a lil bit, thinking bed might be good soon - early night tonight - need to be refreshed for tomorrow.

CazaDolly

Yesterday...

Now I'm a lil bit more awake, I should write some more about what we did yesterday, since I was quite terse in my last post.

The weather looked good, and we had a 2 for 1 voucher, so GF and I headed for Kew Gardens. I love to wander around places like that, looking for hidden unexplored corners and interesting places. It was the first time I was at Kew (which is the Royal Botanical Gardens, for those who don't know, West London, just next to the Thames).

The highlight was probably the tree top platform they have installed which takes you up to the very highest part of the trees and lets you wander round, gazing out as if you were a bird, perched in the high branches. A fascinating point of view to have:

Another highlight was Queen Charlotte's summer house, which was tucked away in a corner of the gardens - although it was closed: I guess it was closed for the winter, or only open sometimes, just seeing it there, and imagining the Queen and her ladies, dressed in their finest gowns, entertaining at a garden party, or some other occasion. It would have been quite a sight.

Coffee, cake and a gift shop later, and we headed for Westfield for a wander and bite to eat, then home, exhausted, probably from too much fresh air.

Today I don't have the bike, so a nice and early corseted waist - 6:30am start, nice posture on the train, need Starbucks!

Day Out!

Today, I took a day off work, and went, with my GF, to Kew Gardens, which is West London.

Its the first time I've been there, and it was wonderful! amazing - great weather, and such lovely gardens, full of weird and wonderful things

But exhausted, so this will be short and sweet ;)

xoxo

CazaDolly

Missing...

Well, I have to apologise to my readers, as I've not blogged for the past few days when I said I'd be commited to write every day. I have no real excuse - I could make one up about being tired, but really I should be honest, and know that I should have written something at least.

So, I'm back on the train for another wet and dismal Monday morning - the clocks changed over the weekend, so it is a lil bit lighter in the morning, but not by much: it was still dark when my alarm dragged me into consciousness this morning, and I wasn't up quite early enough to catch the early train. Stood on cold platform for 15 mins waiting for the next one.

And now I think I'll do some actual fiction writing - I've started a couple of thing

Corset Mending

So the other day I took my corset to the cleaners and while I was there noticed that some of the boning was exposed - the stitching had come away, and it was poking out.

It came back yesterday all clean, and then I took a needle and thread to it and quite neatly, I think, sewed it up... and it appears to have worked :D Wore it the whole of today, and it felt v. good - I've missed it these past few days

The lady at the dry cleaners did say she thought it looked uncomfortable - tried to explain it wasn't but I don't think she was really listening - its weird, people have their pre-conceptions but aren't really receptive when someone tries to challenge them. Note to self: make sure I challenge my pre-conceptions regularly

xoxo

CazaDolly

Nothing

Master has chosen that today I won't exist.

Dolly is aware of people nearby

Dolly knows she sometimes is out

Dolly knows that her existence at her Master's discretion 

Dolly is content to be not, or to be.

Dolly exists only for her Master

Dolly smiles happily to herself, knowing that she pleases her Master

Dolly is happy with her life, and her non-life

SL is a wonderful place

xoxo

CazaDolly

Stressed Dolly

Feeling quite on edge tonight - not quite sure why. Maybe work stress, travel stress or something... general feeling of wanting to just crawl into a box and be ignored by the world. I do love SL :)

CazaDollyInABox

Halfway

I've managed to do some more writing - I don't tend to let anyone see half finished stories, so I'm afraid you won't get to see anything for a bit - but it occurred to me to write a lil bit about the process.

I started about half way through - non-linear fiction creation... There's good reason for this. Often the most interesting part is about half way through the story. The beginning is just introduction and character development. Generally things kick off half way through Of course, quite often there's something interesting at the beginning, but that is generally closely linked to another event which happens subsequently. So the middle gets written first, then that bit gets written.

More writing is coming, I promise - there are things in the pipeline, half written - guess which half?

xoxo

CazaDolly

Dull and boring

Life can be like this sometimes - today was just ordinary - didn't do a lot, just hung out and relaxed. Not exciting at all, and feeling quite tired today. Laundry, cleaning etc, which was overdue... a lil of that got done.

But not a lot else to report, I'm afraid. Maybe tomorrow will be better...

xoxo

CazaDolly

Sight seeing

My GF's folks are down visiting, and we all had a day in London today - came back exhausted, but it was fun. Went to the Cutty Sark, lunch at Wagamama's at Canary Wharf, then across the Thames on the new Airline cable car which was *amazing*! Wandered around the area, and a strange exhibition on Cities etc, which was quite fun.

Then on to Stratford for a lil bit of shopping, then home, flopping onto the sofa. A good day - everyone enjoyed themselves.

Late post

Just a quickie, so I haven't forgotten my commitment for daily blogging :) Does this count? Is a token blog a valid fulfilment of my commitment? Does discussing this actually fulfil it? If I had a token mention of the story writing on the train, would that help? Who knows? Am I the best person to judge? Perhaps someone could tell me?

xoxo

CazaDolly

A Day Out

Today, I had a day off work, not for any major reason, but just to because. So what do I do? I go shopping, of course! Just wandering around Brighton was fun, not really having any major agenda, but doing alot of window shopping, having a lil lunch.

I had an optician's appointment at 2, but apart from that I was free. Found a shop which was sadly closing, but bought one of the things I've been looking at getting for ages - a proper Lolita style wig with detachable falls/pony tails - not necessarily the colours I was after, but not bad, and quite cheap too. It is quite adorable, if I say so myself. A successful day

xoxo

CazaDolly

Corsetry

Today I was out and about at a trade show which was kinda fun, and tightly corseted too, which was also fun - its weird, doing normal interactions with person, with this thing around your waist - even after almost 2 years wearing them, it is still a rush to know I'm bound up with no easy way out, and sometimes it feels very rigid and confining against me.

Working on the writing - train was too crowded on the way home to do anything effectively... too many work emailed to reply too to

Now Master has confined me to my box, and removed most of my senses from me - I'm *really *distracted* now :D

The germ of an idea

I really must start writing a new story soon - Master has said I must write every day and, although it was my intention to blog daily before I was asked, it is now more imperative to do so. And this should include more than blogging, and write some actual fiction.

So, the germ of my idea incorporates my current Second Life situation, which I won't let on, lest the surprise be lost on those who don't know me. Those who have popped by to say hi will obviously know how I'm currently restricted.

There's plenty of thinking and imagining going on, but not much actual writing yet :) But there will be soon, I promise. I seem to be promising a lot recently...

love you all

Caza

Dealing with a sense of entitlement

I've recently been acquired by a new Master, which is quite wonderful. Not that I didn't love Miss Fuyuko, of course, but sometimes we know when things have come to a conclusion, and so things change.

Master of Fetishes, or MoF for short, is my new Maker, as he's a Maker of Dolls. And he now owns me completely.

I've brought out my extreme submissive side with Maker, and, while Miss gave me to him ultimately, I realised early on that I wished to give myself completely to him, as much as any avatar in SL can be owned by another.

So every aspect of my SL is subject to his wishes. No is not a word that is even contemplated when he asks me to do something.

However, that is very easy to act, to say the words and not really mean them, knowing there's places you wouldn't go if asked, or that you might try to persuade him against some course of action.

I want my commitment to be total. No limits, no arguing, no trying to influence. Totally and absolutely submissive.

He kept me for a long time (at least a couple of weeks) totally isolated. And I mean totally - no vision, no chat, no IMs, no names, no emotes, no notecards, no textures, no way of communicating at all. I was vaguely aware when people came to visit. I could tell there was someone there, but couldn't tell who they were - I could guess who they were sometimes, but other times I had no idea.

And I loved it - I loved when He released me and I could see who was around me, talk to people, catch up. But I also longed to go back in, to be isolated again, wondering if Maker could make it any more extreme.

There are those who might see Second Life as just a game, pixels on the screen. Now perhaps I take it too seriously, and this probably counts as evidence for that case, but it is way more than that. It is a platform for social interaction, for meeting friends, forming relationships, for loving, for hating, for fighting for arguing. It is a way to enact fantasies, to become immersed in a world where almost anything is possible, and some things are probable.

And I am quite seriously emotionally invested in this Second Life - I've put a lot of myself into her and who she is, how she interacts and behaves. She is, to all intents and purposes, a real person. So, you see, it is no small thing to hand over control of her, or my, Second Life to another person, to decide anything they like about me.

But this Second Life is so connected to me, there is an element whereby, when I am immersed in my computer, I become her, which means that the effect it has on her mind is on my mind. These are my feelings and emotions. It is a real thing.

To we come to the title. A sense of entitlement - thinking that someone owes me something, that I should be able to control and decide my own fate. This is what a good sub must remove from her mind. One of the quite a number of things, anyways. I have no rights, no right to believe that my Master owes me, that I should be able to ask him to act in a certain way, or wear a certain thing. But since it is, to a large degree, me in there, I must change myself to be like this. To loose the feeling that the world owes me. That I'm entitled to things.

Its just a bit of harmless mind manipulation, to quote Wallace.

xoxo
CazaDolly

Lazy Sunday

Sunday... Sunday... not really a lot to report. One of those days which nothing major happened. Just kinda mooched around, dried laundry etc.

Saw my GF's folks, who are down visiting - her Dad was quite ill, being sick etc, so they're not really very active at the moment, but should be back in circulation tomorrow. I'm working from home tomorrow, which generally means I'll get more work done.

I keep thinking about stories etc, and really should, but haven't been in the right place mentally recently. But soon... one or two ideas cooking away which might come to something

xoxo

CazaDolly

Lazy Saturday

Laundry: a bit tricky without a washing machine - mine is currently broken: I've a man coming on Monday morning to fix it, but today I really had to go to a laundrette and do some washing. Perhaps I need more clothes.

There's an interesting thought.

But anyways, I went to a local laundrette, and, frankly it was disappointing. I was expecting something more, I guess, but it was just a bunch of washing machines and dryers. Not a half naked man in sight. Sigh.

I probably just need to get out more.

Giggles.

Caza

Daily Writings

Discipline is such a good thing. I'm essentially an unorganised person, which depresses me somewhat, but I do understand who I am and why that is. However I do also appreciate the benefits of good discipline, and doing things regularly.

I'm sure you've noticed, those who are reading, that there is a big gap in my posts, best part a year! My corset is still going strong, wearing it several times a week, and life has been quite busy, which is no excuse.

So I need discipline. Self-discipline, which is the hardest sort, sometimes. But my commitment now is to write daily. Every day will have an entry, something written. Might be stuff I'm doing. Might be fiction. Might be just a few words. Might be a whole story. But every day. Without fail. A daily blog.

Might not be earth shatteringly interesting, but I'll give it a go... I'll try to keep it light and funny, but I'm sure it will delve into the depths of my obsessions and foibles.

So, here we have an entry for today. Not much substance so far, really? I guess I'll tell you about my lunchtime then!

This week I've been looking at - actually, not just looking at, but trying on - overbust corsets. I've only worn underbust ones so far, so have decided that I'd like to have an overbust for go out and special occasions. They're a bit less convenient to wear daily, but having it for those appropriate times will be lovely.

So Tuesday I hopped up to Camden, and visited Black Widow, and tried on a couple from Burleska. I've had these sort before, and while they're good for the cheap end of the market I think I've spoilt myself with the more expensive end. I wasn't satisfied.

Thursday was Fairy Goth Mother, who I can't recommend highly enough. I tried on loads! Came down to about 3 possibilities, probably the favourite being one being this one: 70-m2065trg3

Then today I wandered over to What Katie Did off the Portobello Road.

Tried on a couple and really loved their Storm Corset - just the way it held me was fabulous.

I also tried Baby which is a lil waist clincher. It was a very weird feeling, being used to a full underbust corset most of the time, to only be held around the waist. But it is a lot more practical for daily wear so I'll have to consider it.

So, a week of information gathering, and budget setting. Now its saving time as they're not inconsiderably priced. Maybe in a month or 3.

xoxo

Caza

New Corset Day!

Yesterday, got an email from FairyGothMother to say that my new corset was ready to collect! Popped in at lunchtime and collected it - gorgeous colour: a sort of purply violet, with pinkish purple laces. Tried it on when I got home, and it is so much tighter - took me a while to get it laced up around me... a bit more tugging and pulling needed to get it suitably tight. Not much chance (and the moment) of lacing it shut at the back, there's about an inch or two gap there, which is good. I might actually get more life out of this one than any of the others :) Not that I'm complaining - I love my Puimond corset too, and would get another one (when I can afford it).

So I'm on the train into work today, feeling very held, sitting so very upright on the train. Not sure how long I'm going to manage to wear this until I have to take it off today, since its tighter and more rigid than I'm used to, but we'll see. I'm certainly enjoying it's clutches, and the position it forces me to adopt.

There is one minor drawback: it does seem to creak quite alot! I don't know if its the fabric I chose or the laces, or a combination, but it does make noises when I move my back. Don't think its going to be too much of a problem - probably also part of breaking it in.

So, Happy New Year to all my readers - I'll hopefully get pictures of it up here soon - haven't had a chance yet to take any

xoxo

CazaDolly